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Well it's been 4 days since I arrived home. I guess it's time for me to spill the beans, or share what I'm thinking. I don't really feel I have a lot to share and yet people keep telling me to update. So here it is.

There is so much I feel I learned and experienced on the trip and yet I don't believe a lot of it is something I can share. I mean. I don't feel I changed dramatically or anything. I honestly just notice subtle differences. I tried to explain it to a friend like this. Basically I feel like I have always had these dreams and aspirations in life. I talk about them a lot and say I'll do them or it would be great to do them but sometimes they don't work out. Now an example would be sailing. I decided I liked sailing, decided I wanted a boat, people thought I was crazy, then I bought a boat, now I sail. See it wasn't just talk. I followed through. Well there are also things I say and don't do. I'm trying to think of an example and I know they are there but honestly I can't think of one now. Anyway so basically I had been talking about this trip for awhile. Honestly even before talking about this trip I was talking about doing crazy things like just leaving and traveling or just living on my own for awhile or hitchhiking around or whatever. Well doing this trip proved to me that I'm more than talk. I can accomplish what I want to do. I can do what others think I can't. I can live my own life, follow my own path, blaze my own trail no matter how crazy it leads or how far it takes me. Above all this I feel it proved to me (yet again) that I can trust God. I honestly felt this trip was God's calling, he was leading me to it. Before I left my mom was scared and my friends were scared and family was scared and honestly.... I wasn't...up until I hopped on the plane and realized... I'm along, by myself, for a month. Period.
It kinda hits you pretty late in the game doesn't it? Yet once I made that switch to the mindset I really didn't find it to hard. I just had to tell myself, "I'm on my own and I have money and I have God." Well everything sure seemed to work out.
Ya know what's funny? Well this was honestly my first trip by myself ever. I didn't even realize this until I was in Madrid hanging out with a friend I made from Canada. We were talking for awhile when she asked "Is this your first time like away from home? By yourself? Like your first trip by yourself?" and I looked at her...and thought...and said "I don't know. Honestly let me think." So I did. Honestly that never even hit me until that moment. I had never done anything just on my own away from my family and friends. Ya I've visited friends and family and gone with friends or family here or there, but I've never even spent a single night by myself somewhere away from home. That was crazy to me. I mean I know I'm fully capable of being independent but it just astounded me that this was my first time spending a night on my own without friends or family.
And so I changed. I grew. I learned. I experienced.
The most important things I feel I learned?
God is there. You can trust him. You don't have to worry. My favorite verses in the whole Bible are Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I already knew and believed this verse and tried to follow it, but, I had never lived it. This trip...was about me living this verse.

The next thing I learned was that I love talking to people and listening to people and sharing Jesus with people. Honestly I couldn't stop. It just...happened. It's not like I would even try, in fact at times I tried to ignore it and avoid it but one way or another God would lead the conversation to faith, religion, and ultimately Jesus. I loved this. I don't know if this means God will end up using my life to preach to backpackers or start a traveling church or something but it taught me that I love people and sharing Jesus with them. Especially in the traveling context.

Last but most definitely not least I realized how much I love Annie. Now I'm sorry if this seems I don't know... young and immature but I honestly feel I just have to spill it all and honestly share what I learned. It's what you asked for isn't it? So ya...honestly throughout the trip I couldn't get her out of my head. Every single thing I saw and experienced I couldn't help but wish to share with her, the good and the bad. I couldn't experience something amazing and beautiful without thinking of how much she would love it. I couldn't experience something painful and scary without thinking about how much easier it would be with her. I couldn't fall asleep without wishing I'd get to experience the next day with her. I couldn't eat a meal without wondering if she'd enjoy it or not. I couldn't meet a friend without wishing she could meet them too. In everything I did God led, and showed me that I couldn't do this again without having Annie by my side.
Now I'm not saying I didn't appreciate things or love being by myself. I did. I wouldn't have done it any different the first time, even if I could choose to have her by my side. That's for later. I thank God for allowing me to experience this on my own, but I know something now. I know that I can't do this again or any traveling without sharing it with her. It just would kill me to do a month in Europe again, or backpacking across America without having her there to experience it. Traveling around for a month or more you experience so much. I can't imagine experiencing all that on my own again without having her there too experience it too.

So that's it. Those are the three things I feel God taught me the most. Along with that I believe he led me there for other reasons to. I believe each conversation I had where I got to share Jesus and my faith in him with someone was all apart of God's plans. I also believe God is calling me to Amsterdam and the Shelter Christian Hostel (http://www.shelter.nl) there. Currently I'm thinking what will work best is if I leave at the beginning of March and do a 3 month period through the end of May. We will see what God's plans are though. I will continue to pray about it and ask him what his plans are.

So ya. The end...I guess.. And yet, it's not. It's the beginning. I got out on my own. I experienced the world. I learned about myself and the world. I'm 19 and young. So much ahead, so little behind. So much to see and do still. So much to experience. So much of God's creation to find and explore. So many people to meet. So many people to love.

Stay updated. I won't post as much or as often, but I will try and write more. I feel this site now needs some more travel tips and in depth analysis of places I went. I should try and organize the photos and specifically discuss the hostels I stayed at and provide links etc. Along with all this I will continue to use this site for travel info. If I do go back to Amsterdam it will definitely be used for that. I also decided recently that I might start using it to show photos from hikes I do around here and share info about them. Just 2 days ago for example I did the Starvation Creek hike with Annie and our friend Kara. So stay updated.